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Accusation...................accurate. Sigh. [Mar. 11th, 2008|08:24 am]
I have been accused (by someonewhowillnotbenamed of being fixated on bodily wastes. Or, as he so eloquently put it "Poop and Pee".

You can't spend as much of your life surrounding by animals as I have and come out unscathed. It's ALL about poop and pee. And vomit. And a modicum of blood. (Sometimes all at ONCE -- if you needed a visceral opposite of hitting the jackpot in a Las Vegas Casino. And, oddly enough, these incidents often keep Las Vegas hours...)

A group of us used to rent a summer house every year, had been since college, and one year we suddenly went from being a vacation house full of early thirty-something adults to a house with three infants, all about the same age. And we were sitting on the dock chilling and one of the new Moms says to me "oh, I'm sorry, you must be really sick of hearing us talk about pooping and peeing and vomiting. How gross!" And I got to say "Welcome to my world. But yours are going to grow out of it." And they nervously laughed and carried on. While I thought to myself "Hey, not as boring as listening the the pregnancy talk LAST summer."

I have shoveled poop all my life -- from Doo-Bee the guinea pig, to stables full of horses, to suiting up in a home-made bio-hazard suit for the bi-annual chicken coop cleaning. I order my poop bags online because I have found the ultimate bag -- cheap, sturdy, big enough to handle several greyhound "presents" and unlike newspaper and grocery store bags...never a hole. And when you pick up as much crap as I do, while juggling two dog leashes and a cell phone, a bag breach, while not the worst thing that can happen to you in a day....after all, I live in Montgomery County, where pedestrian fatalities make going to Iraq seem like a good idea, statistically speaking.

Everyday is a load of laundry to wash the Incontinent Princess's pee-pads. (Yes, I have spent over $150 for washable pee-pads in the past 6 months. Believe it or not, this is cheaper than buying the disposables.) Before I leave for work I lay them down, come home pick them up, throw some in the wash, lay them down again in the morning.

Just yesterday I was at PetsMart and spent over $175 on the raw materials to create poop and pee and the products to catch the finished product.

With two big dogs and five cats, it's hard sometimes to not feel like Sisyphus. As soon as I finish the job of filling their stomachs, I have to start in with the end results. Although sometimes the cats make it convenient by puking it right back up because they ate too fast. And the dogs make it even more convenient by cleaning that right up before I can get to.

The severity of my day can be measured by whether I am grossed out or relieved.

So, I won't cop to being obsessed -- hell, I'd do damn near anything to NOT have to think about it for just a day or two. (On the last cruise, on Day Two, I actually said "the best part is the only poop I have to worry about is my own") But sure, I'll admit it, you name a creature and it's just a matter of minutes until I'm calculating what kind of clean up detail THAT'S going to require.

[User Picture]From: sestree
2008-03-11 01:17 pm (UTC)
I've been waiting to share this lil gem:



...and yes I've been there but not for the April contest.

edit: oh and how could I *ever* have forgotten ...


HOOKER OKLAHOMA ! (clock the billboard)

alltogethernow gawwwwwwwwwwwwddaaaaaaaaaaaamn

Edited at 2008-03-11 01:20 pm (UTC)
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[User Picture]From: lowlandscot
2008-03-11 01:23 pm (UTC)
It is taking every shred of willpower I have not to jump in here with a novella-length discourse. But thank you for sharing this. It's nice to know I'm not alone. When I briefly considered keeping livestock, I was drawn to llamas simply because they pick one spot in the pasture and all poop in one big pile there.

Signed, the nutcase with two dogs, eight cats, and two children, whose first job was wiping antiquated butts in a nursing home.
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[User Picture]From: pyllgrum
2008-03-11 01:56 pm (UTC)
We have installed electronic kitty litter pans to deal with the constant influx of p&p from the four cats. Whenever I am home alone, I can judge the state of p&p production from the noise of the two self-raking robots cleaning after the latest kitty movement.

I am now the guy who cleans up after the robot that cleans up after the cats.
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[User Picture]From: lowlandscot
2008-03-11 08:15 pm (UTC)
I am now the guy who cleans up after the robot that cleans up after the cats

See, this is how it starts, and before you know it the governor of California is chasing Sarah Connor all over Los Angeles and all hell has broken loose. Break free of the robots now, before it's too late!
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From: kudrasslipper
2008-03-11 06:00 pm (UTC)
I don't know which is worse... cleaning up after animals your whole life or having been in the Peace Corps for two years, where one's poop and pee and/or the *condition* of the poop and pee were daily topics of epidemiological discourse and careful consideration. After you dig out a few tumba fly larvae from the soles of another volunteer's feet (or your own) - poop and pee are become de rigeur.

In either case, we're both left with a handy by-product: a tolerance for the GROSS & DISGUSTING that would leave most people twitching in the fetal position or simultaneously clutching at their mouth and their gut. Us, my dear... we calmly hand them the waste basket and sigh... "go ahead.... throw up if you need to. I'll clean it up."
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[User Picture]From: im_geva
2008-03-12 10:13 pm (UTC)
Amen, ladies and gentlemen.
A few years ago I had a fun three months with 5 adult dogs and 6 puppies. The puppies alone went through a roll of paper towel a day.

And then, there was New Orleans. Just imagine what comes out of a dog eating kibble for the first time after starving for 3,4,5 weeks. Now, multiply that by 200 dogs.

Nothing is gross and disgusting anymore - been there, done that.
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