|Blame it on Opposable Thumbs
||[Mar. 11th, 2008|11:10 am]
So they've approved a weight loss drug for dogs. I knew it was just a matter of time, but still, I had a tiny Tinkerbell-like belief that this would be too absurd and after the FDA got up off the floor post-laughing-their-asses-off, everyone would clap each other on the back, say "Good one!" and go out and have a beer. |
Yes, now, you can give you dog a pill -- and in addition to diet and exercise -- your dog will lose weight. (Nevermind that he'd lose weight if you put him on a diet and exercised him more. It's BETTER if you pay money and feed a pill.)
Look. Your dog is fat because YOU made him fat. Or someone in your family. Or a previous owner.
I am fat because I have opposable thumbs and an ATM card. I put too much food in my bowl, too often. If you lock my food away, I will find a tool to free the food. If there is no food in the house I take money and go get some. Everywhere I turn is food, food and more food. And I have the cerebral cortex to imagine food that isn't even present. And develop all sorts of poor coping strategies that involve being salved by food and eating.
Your dog eats what you put in front of him. And what he can break into. If you don't make the food available, he can't eat it. He doesn't have wire cutters nor the fingertips to operate a key. If you give him apple slices and carrot sticks as snacks, he'll eat them...or not. He won't say "nah, I'm not hungry" and then run out to Dunkin Donuts for a jelly-filled.
If you say "time for a walk" he's going to jump up, tail wagging (okay, if he's a greyhound, he'll open an eye, look at you, judge your seriousness, maybe get up, streeeeeeetch, yawn, stand there a minute to doublecheck you mean it, then trot over. Mostly because he doesn't want to be left behind) and go for a walk. For as long as you can walk. He'll be happy to wear your ass out. He's not going to complain that he really needs to get laundry done, or American Idol is just about to start, or he really needs to get into work early today to work on that proposal, or his back hurts or his sneakers are damp or he exercised yesterday and just doesn't FEEL like it.
Except for the rare metabolic disorder, a dog doesn't make himself fat. And a dog would gladly make himself a healthy weight, if you, Mr. & Ms. Opposable Thumbs and Big Brains would help him out. Without pharmaceuticals. A fat dog is an arthritic dog. I can't imagine a pet owner who would wish pain on their dog, yet so many seem unable to say "no" to treats and tablescraps, thereby condemning their sweet Baboo to early arthritis. Grrrr.
I'll also give a kick in the butt to all of the vets who are so inured to seeing obese dogs that they don't toughen up on the owners. And the labrador retriever breeders and judges who've changed a formerly athletic dog into a chunkola in the show ring.
Oof, grunt, ouch. Pardon me as me, my fat ass, my opposable thumbs, big brains and big mouth, clamber down from my soap box.