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Commercials that made me crazy the other night... - It seemed like a good idea at the time... [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
terribleturnip

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Commercials that made me crazy the other night... [Apr. 10th, 2008|08:19 am]
terribleturnip
Now obviously, I don't watch a lot of television anymore, especially in real time -- pretty much some surgical strikes and videotaping that involves fast forwarding through commercials.

Or was it because I was watching on a Saturday night and they figure if you're home on a Saturday night, you've probably got something wrong with you or can be easily convinced that there is.

Anyway, we start out with "I don't have time to get the fiber I need, but thanks to ProductICan'tRemember, now I can just take this pill." You don't have time for fiber? Honey, it's not like you have to go out into the forest, cut down some bamboo and pound it out, make a paste and then cook it into bars. Just eat a piece of whole grain toast or some oatmeal, some orange juice for breakfast, a freaking apple for a snack and have some beans for dinner... How could you NOT have time for that? If you don't have time for that...you've got bigger problems in your life than lack of fiber, sweetheart.

And then the Nivea cellulite reducing cream -- that featured 2 minutes of 98 pound, 20 year old models prancing around. Dude, they don't have any cellulite yet -- which could be why your cream works so well. Slap that s*** on my 45 year old, turnip-pulling, wagon-hauling thighs and let's see how well it works...

And then finally, the car commercial -- again, how effective could it be, since I can't remember which car it was, but it asked the question:

When you turn your car on, does it return the favor? What? Dude, I just want the car to start. I get turned on by...members of my own species. But I guess I know women who actually look more favorably on a potential date because he drives a cool car. I say cool, because I really struggle even understanding the concept. I actually blew off a date because he drove a...hell, whatever car that was in the '80s that had the big Eagle across the hood. I'm like, oh, no way, we have NOTHING in common, I can tell right now.

Does the Captain know how lucky he is? My big rules on the kind of car my potential date must have is: it shouldn't smell icky inside and ideally has potential to carry a lot of stuff. Dripping oil is a bad sign, but I'll get over it if he's good in bed.

I've never been able to bring myself to date a guy who's really into his car. If there's going to be all sorts of fondling and rubbing and polishing and admiring -- I want it to be me, not the car, that gets THAT kind of attention.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: the_mac_danee
2008-04-10 12:50 pm (UTC)
Does he get double points if he's fondling, rubbing and polishing with Nivea? Just asking...
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[User Picture]From: piratekalia
2008-04-10 01:41 pm (UTC)
Only if it's NOT used to "reduce cellulite"...right?
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[User Picture]From: pyratelady
2008-04-10 02:22 pm (UTC)
The last time I dated a guy who was really into his car, (washing and waxing it once a week) he also turned out to be exceptionally boring. So I think your instincts are right.

I'm surprised you didn't mention the commercials touting cures for:
Restless Leg Syndrome
depression
problems with intimacy (re: performance)
excess body fat caused by stress

Everything's got a fancy medical name now! I'm just waiting for the ad claiming to cure misanthropy!
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[User Picture]From: terribleturnip
2008-04-10 06:10 pm (UTC)
Well, I'd take a cure for Restless Leg Syndrome anyday. I know it sounds goofy, but if you have it...it's a pain in the butt.

But you CAN'T TAKE MY MISANTHROPY FROM ME. It DEFINES me....I will resist treatment until the day I die!
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[User Picture]From: ferlonda
2008-04-10 06:51 pm (UTC)
So the free oil sample didn't work? Dang.
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[User Picture]From: pyratelady
2008-04-10 07:34 pm (UTC)
Leave it to me to make an insensitive comment to someone who actually has RLS! *takes a bow* I couldn't help it, though... it does sound goofy to me.
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[User Picture]From: chellebelle74
2008-04-10 04:17 pm (UTC)
"I've never been able to bring myself to date a guy who's really into his car. If there's going to be all sorts of fondling and rubbing and polishing and admiring -- I want it to be me, not the car, that gets THAT kind of attention."

Can I get an AMEN, sister????
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[User Picture]From: lowlandscot
2008-04-10 05:34 pm (UTC)
You don't watch much TV, do you? There are far weirder commercials out there, just in the subsets you've already mentioned.

For instance, in the fiber category: The All-Bran Ten Day John McEnroe Challenge. The premise is that Mac travels the country exhorting middle aged white people to eat All-Bran for ten days and get regular. Much lame bowel-related humor ensues. I'm baffled by the entire concept -- what does John McEnroe have to do with fiber? Other than the obvious fact he's an asshole, but that seemed a little too edgy a marketing link for a stodgy outfit like Kellogg's to embrace.
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[User Picture]From: terribleturnip
2008-04-10 06:08 pm (UTC)
I don't even "get" the whole REGULAR thing. Are we talking "regular" as oppose to "outlandish"? Because I dunno, you could take some pride there...or maybe stop eating weird things. Or "regular" as in scheduled? I dunno, I go when I need to. I don't know that I've ever sweated my "irregular" poo schedule.
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[User Picture]From: pyratelady
2008-04-10 08:23 pm (UTC)
Oh, you talk a good game, but mistressfetch and lady jen at the hound tent have already told me about those "colon-blow" muffins that you make.
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[User Picture]From: thatliardiego
2008-04-10 09:17 pm (UTC)
What, you didn't see Barney Miller? That joke is Abe Vigoda's whole career right there.
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[User Picture]From: skivee
2008-04-10 05:37 pm (UTC)
Pontiac Trans-Am...it was a Camero with a fancy hat.
Neither one were worth crap on ice or snow...REALLY! The most dangerous car I have driven.
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[User Picture]From: terribleturnip
2008-04-10 06:04 pm (UTC)
Omigosh, now that you bring that up, it WAS you that I blew off. I thought you looked familiar! You used to have more hair, though...and were taller. And more...Italian....
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[User Picture]From: lowlandscot
2008-04-10 10:30 pm (UTC)
What a wuss. My first car was a '67 Camaro with a 327 V8. It snows a lot in Indiana. The only thing I ever hit was a "Stop for School Bus" sign. I don't even know why the sign was there -- there were no schoolbuses I could see. I did stop.
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[User Picture]From: ferlonda
2008-04-10 07:00 pm (UTC)
Eeeee-heeheeheeheeheeheeheeheehee...

Whew. I needed that.

I do care, somewhat, what kind of vehicle a person drives- a Hummer will get always get a sneer from me whereas an Italian motorcycle (or German) will get a smile and some friendly flirting- but more important to me is HOW you drive the damn thing. I have broken up or refused to ride with all sorts of people because of their crap skill levels or apparent theory that scared girls are more sexy. NOT interested in anyone who is an idiot wearing (or riding) several thousand (or hundred) pounds of metal and I don't care how pretty you or your metal suit/horse are. And eagle decals? I nearly slapped a friend of mine for putting one on his lovely, very expensive and elegant little BMW mid-life-crisis sports car which made it look like a whore for the military. Really pissed me off.
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