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Commercials that made me crazy the other night... - It seemed like a good idea at the time... [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
terribleturnip

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Commercials that made me crazy the other night... [Apr. 10th, 2008|08:19 am]
terribleturnip
Now obviously, I don't watch a lot of television anymore, especially in real time -- pretty much some surgical strikes and videotaping that involves fast forwarding through commercials.

Or was it because I was watching on a Saturday night and they figure if you're home on a Saturday night, you've probably got something wrong with you or can be easily convinced that there is.

Anyway, we start out with "I don't have time to get the fiber I need, but thanks to ProductICan'tRemember, now I can just take this pill." You don't have time for fiber? Honey, it's not like you have to go out into the forest, cut down some bamboo and pound it out, make a paste and then cook it into bars. Just eat a piece of whole grain toast or some oatmeal, some orange juice for breakfast, a freaking apple for a snack and have some beans for dinner... How could you NOT have time for that? If you don't have time for that...you've got bigger problems in your life than lack of fiber, sweetheart.

And then the Nivea cellulite reducing cream -- that featured 2 minutes of 98 pound, 20 year old models prancing around. Dude, they don't have any cellulite yet -- which could be why your cream works so well. Slap that s*** on my 45 year old, turnip-pulling, wagon-hauling thighs and let's see how well it works...

And then finally, the car commercial -- again, how effective could it be, since I can't remember which car it was, but it asked the question:

When you turn your car on, does it return the favor? What? Dude, I just want the car to start. I get turned on by...members of my own species. But I guess I know women who actually look more favorably on a potential date because he drives a cool car. I say cool, because I really struggle even understanding the concept. I actually blew off a date because he drove a...hell, whatever car that was in the '80s that had the big Eagle across the hood. I'm like, oh, no way, we have NOTHING in common, I can tell right now.

Does the Captain know how lucky he is? My big rules on the kind of car my potential date must have is: it shouldn't smell icky inside and ideally has potential to carry a lot of stuff. Dripping oil is a bad sign, but I'll get over it if he's good in bed.

I've never been able to bring myself to date a guy who's really into his car. If there's going to be all sorts of fondling and rubbing and polishing and admiring -- I want it to be me, not the car, that gets THAT kind of attention.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: pyratelady
2008-04-10 07:34 pm (UTC)
Leave it to me to make an insensitive comment to someone who actually has RLS! *takes a bow* I couldn't help it, though... it does sound goofy to me.
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[User Picture]From: terribleturnip
2008-04-10 08:00 pm (UTC)
It IS goofy. Look, okay, better RLS than say, pancreatic cancer...but really, does it have to be so embarrassing and hard to explain. A lot of people think it's that leg jiggling thing that some people do...but no, it's freaking maddening and excruciatingly humiliating when you have to stand up during a meal or meeting and your only excuse is "I just can't sit down anymore." And everyone looks at you as if you may be a neurotic freak. And you know that if you explain WHY, you will only confirm their opinion.

The only comfort is...for years I thought I was the ONLY neurotic freak. Then I found out that 2 other family members are neurotic freaks. And then that there were more of us. And really, I'm not a neurotic freak kind of person...

And ED is real too, but the commercials are totally out of control and...goofy. Especially when they start rattling off the side effects...
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