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Commercials that made me crazy the other night... - It seemed like a good idea at the time... [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
terribleturnip

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Commercials that made me crazy the other night... [Apr. 10th, 2008|08:19 am]
terribleturnip
Now obviously, I don't watch a lot of television anymore, especially in real time -- pretty much some surgical strikes and videotaping that involves fast forwarding through commercials.

Or was it because I was watching on a Saturday night and they figure if you're home on a Saturday night, you've probably got something wrong with you or can be easily convinced that there is.

Anyway, we start out with "I don't have time to get the fiber I need, but thanks to ProductICan'tRemember, now I can just take this pill." You don't have time for fiber? Honey, it's not like you have to go out into the forest, cut down some bamboo and pound it out, make a paste and then cook it into bars. Just eat a piece of whole grain toast or some oatmeal, some orange juice for breakfast, a freaking apple for a snack and have some beans for dinner... How could you NOT have time for that? If you don't have time for that...you've got bigger problems in your life than lack of fiber, sweetheart.

And then the Nivea cellulite reducing cream -- that featured 2 minutes of 98 pound, 20 year old models prancing around. Dude, they don't have any cellulite yet -- which could be why your cream works so well. Slap that s*** on my 45 year old, turnip-pulling, wagon-hauling thighs and let's see how well it works...

And then finally, the car commercial -- again, how effective could it be, since I can't remember which car it was, but it asked the question:

When you turn your car on, does it return the favor? What? Dude, I just want the car to start. I get turned on by...members of my own species. But I guess I know women who actually look more favorably on a potential date because he drives a cool car. I say cool, because I really struggle even understanding the concept. I actually blew off a date because he drove a...hell, whatever car that was in the '80s that had the big Eagle across the hood. I'm like, oh, no way, we have NOTHING in common, I can tell right now.

Does the Captain know how lucky he is? My big rules on the kind of car my potential date must have is: it shouldn't smell icky inside and ideally has potential to carry a lot of stuff. Dripping oil is a bad sign, but I'll get over it if he's good in bed.

I've never been able to bring myself to date a guy who's really into his car. If there's going to be all sorts of fondling and rubbing and polishing and admiring -- I want it to be me, not the car, that gets THAT kind of attention.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: lowlandscot
2008-04-10 10:30 pm (UTC)
What a wuss. My first car was a '67 Camaro with a 327 V8. It snows a lot in Indiana. The only thing I ever hit was a "Stop for School Bus" sign. I don't even know why the sign was there -- there were no schoolbuses I could see. I did stop.
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[User Picture]From: skivee
2008-04-10 10:48 pm (UTC)
Your mocking tone has been noted and will be a factor when I am king of the universe.
The 81 was a different beast, with suckier handling.
Why, the Car-Guys "Click And Clack" even joked about broadcasting from the Olympic Camero Ice Skating Rink when the games were in Lillehammer, Norway
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[User Picture]From: lowlandscot
2008-04-10 10:58 pm (UTC)
Your mocking tone has been noted and will be a factor when I am king of the universe.

Oh goody -- does this mean I can be the mocking czar?

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