|Ashes to Ashes, Final Installment
||[Apr. 17th, 2008|09:47 am]
See the real truth, beyond my squeamishness about having my loved ones hanging around in the house, is that I'd be afraid I'd lose them. That's just a huge obligation I'm not willing to take one. Like giving someone a bonsai tree or a parrot. What the hell kind of a gift is that? |
Dude, I WILL kill it -- neglect, horrible accidents. Just like I will knock your urn over and spill your ashes, lose the necklace, put the painting someplace where it will get sun or water damage. I could probably manage to keep the ash-filled breast implants safe enough, but I've got enough going on there. I don't have to mind a reefball. I can just go visit. Although I won't, so don't bother finding the special place; I'm not coming back to "see" you. It's all I can to visit you while you're alive -- and for me, going to visit what's left of your corpse...that's just creepy. (Although I respect the comfort that normal people get from graveside visits. I will drive you to see your loved ones, but I'm not getting out of the car, okay?)
My friend Alan was moving out of his apartment in New York to a new one and on one trip he took down the urn that held the ashes of his partner, who had died a few years earlier, put it in the trunk and went up for another load.
Oh, yeah, someone jacked open the trunk and stole a bunch of stuff, including the urn of Alan's beloved. This happened years ago and Alan still feels horrible. Is Scott just dumped in the trash somewhere? Oh, I could NOT deal.
My mother's planning on dumping the responsbility on my brother. And my brother, who is basically the male version of me -- although he has far greater quantities of maternal/paternal instinct, having managed to raise two lovely daughters and has managed to restrict himself to ONE dog and five cats. And a lizard. Anyway, he could probably be strongarmed, as the baby in the family, to keeping the bookends, but he really, really doesn't want to.
So, in that lovely controlling way I have, I told my parents that they shouldn't worry. We had a plan. Dad is a HEE-UGE Disney fan. As in serious collector of cels and art. Mom has always wanted to travel around Europe. So, my brother and I are going to mix them into ziplock bags, put those in a special knapsack -- both with a small hole in the middle. Then we'll wander around Disney and then fly to Europe and visit all of the places my Mom never got to...dribbling Mom and Dad the whole way.
For those of you intrigued at all by this topic, I highly recommend the book "Stiff" by Mary Roach. The life of a cadaver...well written and really funny.