|In the midst of silly...
||[Jul. 25th, 2008|02:36 pm]
The silliness today is partly to distract me because I mourn. As always, when someone loses a pet, I mourn for them, and the pet. But also, the pets I have lost, the pets whose demise is near, who will leave me unexpectedly, who lie lost on the of the road or in the middle of the woods somewhere. Sad for everyone who has to make that decision in the vet's office, decide one morning that it's time, dig that hole in the backyard.
The cynical part of me asks why the hell I have to make it about me (and dozens of other people I might not even know) but I don't know, I can never keep sadness from branching out to all of the other pits of sadness and linking up. I don't get upset often, so maybe when I do, have to tap all of the reserves and let off pressure.
Or maybe I'm a big drama queen. I have to admit it's come in handy when needing to generate tears on stage or in role plays -- doesn't take much to tap those reserves and turn on the waterworks. Less fun when you catch a snippet of Bambi in the Disney store and have to run, eyes running because you heard Papadeer say "Your mother can't be with you now, Bambi" or some stupid commercial nails a heartstring.
The interconnectedness in my head that can make it really easy for me to learn new things, apply skills in one field/situation to another, that can hang onto obscure bits of knowledge to pull out just when they're needed...maybe it handicaps me here.
Most days, I find it absurd when people say they'll never have another pet because they can't go through losing one again. I truly believe that you have to remember the days, the weeks, the months, the years of joy - and up against the sadness at the end, it seems like a fair deal.
Today it seems like a weak argument, as I mourn for a friend's loss.