|Really, it's MY character flaw...
||[Sep. 3rd, 2008|01:08 pm]
To all of the people who are now tiptoeing around, afraid to come and say hello to me, or tell me some amusing story, or otherwise invade my personal space:|
For starters, it's a character flaw. MY character flaw. YOU'RE fine. I'm not ranting in hopes that you'll leave me alone. Please don't avoid me like I'm two steps away from biting off heads. (Besides, if you know me, you'll know that I actually always give advance notice on the head-biting. And there's always a deal to be cut, as in: I need a cider or I swear, I'm going to bite off someone's head. And I'm not talking about chickens.
I'm apologizing after the fact, or in advance, that sometimes, through no fault of your own, due only to timing, my social tank has run dry. If only I had paced myself, taken that refresher break, filled my mug with Emergen-C or rum (not that I would ever drink on duty...) instead of ADD-inducing Diet Mountain Dew, if I had emptied my bladder on a timely basis....I would not be on the verge of bolting for the woods. Or privy.
Actually, if I've blown you off -- gotta get beverage, gotta pee (the very framework of my activities, right there, huh?) gotta go walkies, gotta get the camp ready -- that means I trust you enough to be honest about my needs at that moment and act like a Yankee (social to a point, but if there's a pressing need, well, then...see ya!)
Standing there, rictus grin of sociability, frozen like a feral cat in a trap, politely listening, a slight thorazine shuffle...that means I don't know you very well and I'm going to pretend that I have a shred of Southern hospitality.
Besides, I love it, just get worn out sometimes. Don't try to protect me, I'm trying to build up a tolerance. It's how I learned to eat cilantro. And other things. (Sestree, you know what I'm saying...) Practice, practice, practice.
Despite hating people as a group, I'm helplessly in love with most of them as individuals. Not that I'm unaware of their flaws...heinous political views, poor personal choices, bad taste in headwear...but somehow I can ignore everything except purposeful meanness. And self-importance. And even that gets a bye a lot of times. Which I suppose is why I rarely have a party for ALL of my friends, since at any point in time half of them detest the other half. Which I think is dumb of you, but I love you anyway....
I even like people who don't like me. Although that COULD just be to annoy them. Jury's out. Or maybe it's my Yankee/Danish pigheadedness -- I will wear you down with "like" until you have to return it or risk feeling like an a-hole for continuing to detest someone who doesn't hold it against you.
So, here I am, sad that someone was there the whole weekend and I didn't see them. Or didn't spend any time with them or....while still pissing and moaning about not being able to stand one more social transaction.
Contrary....it's as close as I get to religion.